


Just Breathe, Emma

by LemonYellowFlowers



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28226091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonYellowFlowers/pseuds/LemonYellowFlowers
Summary: look okay it's just a version of Emma and Alyssa's first kiss but like,angst too okaymature due to triggers, please read any A/Ns
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 24
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

“Do you think High School will be weird?” Shelby speaks from where she’s lounging on one of the bean bags. Shelby had claimed a bean bag as soon as she’d entered. Kaylee was on a cushion, Alyssa was on the floor, and they were both leaning up against the other bean bags. Emma was sitting on the middle of the low level sofa. The four of them - Shelby, Kaylee, Alyssa and Emma - are crowded into Kaylee’s room. Her mom is by far the most chilled out (read: most likely to leave them alone and not eavesdrop) so it tends to be where they end up when they want to sleepover. This one’s special though, as pointed out by Shelby, it will be the last time they all hang out before High School starts. There’s still summer - but Alyssa, Shelby and Emma are all going to their various camps tomorrow, and none of them are coming back until just before term starts. 

“I think going from being the oldest to the youngest will probably be weird.” Alyssa nodded her head at Kaylee. 

“I second that.”

“What? Don’t think you can handle being the top dog in school anymore?” Shelby smirks as Emma just shakes her head at them all. She interrupts before Alyssa has a chance to respond.

“I’m honestly looking forward to not having to pray every morning.” Kaylee and Alyssa laugh, but Shelby shoots Emma a weird look.

“What’s wrong with prayer?”

“Nothing - that’s not-” Emma blushes a little. She’s known these girls since she was five and she still finds it overwhelming when all the attention is on her - particularly if it comes after a disagreement.

“I just mean, like, not that much happens in a day? Plus god sees all right, he doesn’t need to hear from me everyday.” Alyssa raises her eyebrows, and Kaylee glances between Shelby and Emma.

There’s quiet for a moment, and Emma feels the familiar sense of dread creeping in. She’s worked so hard to fit in, and this is why she never voices her opinions, because they’re stupid, and then she gets judged, and-

Shelby laughs. And Kaylee follows suit. Alyssa just watches.

“You’re so weird Em.”

Weird. That word. The word she’s been branded with since she was five and was more interested in the instruments than the other children. Emma honestly wonders sometimes if it weren’t for the fact that Shelby’s mom was sort of close with Emma’s whether they’d have even been friends. But that’s not important. What’s important is despite being weird Emma is tolerated. And she’s grateful for that - she’s seen what happens to the people ostracised by these three. 

“Okay. I’m bored.” Alyssa announces it to the room, and Emma almost thinks she sees the girl’s eyes flick to hers, she wonders - not for the first time - whether Alyssa is aware of how often she takes the attention from Emma. They never really talk about it, but Emma can almost always count on Alyssa to distract people from focusing on her. 

Alyssa sits up straighter, and looks around at the three of them, fixing each of them with a stare.

“What?” It’s Shelby who questions her. “I know that look. What are you thinking?”

“We should play a game.” Emma groans internally. Kaylee groans externally. Shelby just rolls her eyes.

“Oh should we now?” Shelby’s teasing, Emma can hear it in her voice that she’s sort of interested though.

“And you suggest?” Kaylee asks.

“Truth or Dare!” Alyssa’s grinning like it’s the best idea she’s ever had, and Emma can’t stop herself from smiling too.

“How old are you?” Shelby asks, shaking her head. But Emma knows she’ll go along with it.

“Hey - it’s our last night of being young. We’re entitled to a little immaturity!” Alyssa shoots Emma a look, and Emma knows that whatever Alyssa says next, she’s screwed.

“Em wants to play, don’t you Em?” And at some point Emma Nolan realised she can’t say no to Alyssa, she just nods, and the girl lets out a squeal.

“See!”

“Fine.” Shelby sits up properly, and now Kaylee follows suit and Emma realises she should probably do the same because it looks like they’re taking this seriously.

“But I get to ask first!”

“Fine.” Alyssa grins, “Who do you choose?” 

“Hmmm,” Shelby taps a finger against her chin and Emma has a sinking feeling and, “Well I think it’s only fair that I target you first Alyssa, seeing as this was your idea.” 

Emma releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Truth or Dare?”

“Hmm, truth!”

“Okay. Have you got a crush on anyone?” 

“Shelby!” Alyssa’s eyes widen and Shelby grins and Emma feels a weird sort of something but she’s not entirely sure what. 

Kaylee snorts.

“That’s a yes.”

“I- no. I never said that-”

“Didn’t need to. But oh I so know what I’m asking you next.” Kaylee grins.

“I don’t have a crush!”

“Sure you don’t.” Shelby smirks and Alyssa huffs which makes Emma smile again.

“Fine. My turn. I pick you Shelby.”

“Dare.” She says it immediately, before Alyssa can even ask the question.

“I dare you to kiss Kaylee.”

Emma’s eyes widen, and Alyssa looks a little bit like she’s surprised she even said it. Kaylee is looking between the three of them, and Shelby just shakes her head. 

“Call that a challenge.” She crooks a finger at Kaylee. Kaylee leans forward, and Shelby presses a kiss to her cheek. She grins at Alyssa and there’s a glint in her eye that Emma isn’t sure she likes.

“Oh come on.” Alyssa makes a sort of throwaway hand gesture at Shelby’s seeming cop out. Kaylee sits back without much comment, grinning too, knowing that Alyssa is caught out.

“You really need to remember the importance of details Alyssa. You never specified where or anything.”

“I obviously meant on the lips.” Alyssa scoffs.

“And yet you never said that.” Kaylee practically sing songs. 

“Fine. Fine.” 

“I believe that makes it my turn?” It’s Kaylee who speaks up. Emma swallows a little nervously because she has a feeling that this is about to get out of hand. 

“Yep.” Shelby seconds. Kaylee raises an eyebrow at Alyssa.

“Truth or Dare Alyssa? And remember - I know exactly what I’m going to ask.” Alyssa looks at Kaylee and if Emma didn’t know better she’d think that Alyssa looked slightly nervous. For a moment Emma thinks Alyssa might flick her eyes over to Emma but then Alyssa is leaning back and wiggling her eyebrows at Kaylee.

“Dare, obviously.”

“I dare you to kiss Emma on the lips for at least ten seconds.”

Emma chose the wrong moment to take a sip of her drink. She chokes, and ends up spluttering water onto the floor.

It’s Shelby who spoke though, and Alyssa just shakes her head.

“It’s Kaylee’s turn Shelbs.”

“Oh no I definitely second that dare.” Kaylee is still laughing at Emma’s reaction.

“Well…” Alyssa trails off, her eyes definitely finding Emma’s this time and Emma feels like her soul is being stared into. 

Every moment where Emma has listened to these girls talk about boys and kissing them and how it’s been wet and rough and beards have been scratchy and how Emma has always thought it has sounded a bit gross pass through her mind as she suddenly realises that Alyssa is probably soft and that that sounds nice and the time to be coming to the realisation that maybe Emma feels about Alyssa the way Alyssa has felt about - well, a lot of guys (from the sound of the stories) - isn’t right after they’ve been dared to kiss on the mouth. 

Emma comes to the realisation that she might have a crush on Alyssa as Alyssa is staring at her and she also feels certain Alyssa must know that. 

Emma also realises that she definitely isn’t meant to have crushes on girls. Or kiss them for that matter - but this is a game.

It’s a game.

Before Emma loses herself even more, Alyssa breaks her out of her spiral.

“Well only if Emma’s okay with it.”

And if Emma thought the focus had been on her before then man had she been wrong. She feels three pairs of eyes staring at her and fixes her gaze on a slight mark on the wall behind Alyssa’s head.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Inwardly she’s amazed her voice came out sounding so normal. She was almost certain it was going to sound squeaky. Like a chipmunk or something. Wait why is she thinking about chipmunks? 

Alyssa watches Emma for a moment, and Emma gets the feeling she’s looking for something. She doesn’t know what though, and she doesn’t know if Alyssa finds it, but then Alyssa is smirking, her eyes locked on Emma’s, and Emma thinks she’s about to die.

“This is for you Shelbs.” And Alyssa doesn’t break eye contact as she speaks. She crawls forward and Emma’s eyes widen ever so slightly because apparently Alyssa crawling is something she doesn’t mind watching. 

Suddenly Alyssa is in front of her.

The girl moves slightly, raising one of her legs and planting it firmly on the outside of Emma’s leg, swinging her weight and lifting her other leg until Alyssa is straddling Emma.

Emma can’t breathe.

She’s pretty sure she died.

Her brain isn’t working. 

There’s pressure on the outside of her thighs which are being bracketed by Alyssa’s legs - she chances a glance downwards but Alyssa is in a skirt and the way it’s moved there’s so much thigh and okay that was the wrong move-

Alyssa places a hand under Emma’s chin and Emma allows her face to be lifted, her eyes moving up to look at Alyssa. Alyssa is so close to her, that Emma can see the different shades of brown in her eyes.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” 

Emma isn’t sure she could speak if she tried. She jerks her head in a nod, just slightly, and then Alyssa is pressing forwards and she’s everywhere, and the movement adds more pressure to the outside of her thighs and then Alyssa’s lips are on hers.

Alyssa moves her lips and Emma finds herself mimicking the movements. It’s so gentle until Alyssa places a hand at the back of Emma’s neck and pushes slightly and then there’s more pressure against her and as Emma moves her lips Alyssa catches Emma’s bottom one between hers and Emma’s stomach clenches, there’s heat and Alyssa’s tongue presses against Emma’s lip just slightly and Emma feels a weird throbbing sensation-

There’s a quiet whistle which Emma recognises as Kaylee and she suddenly remembers where she is and Alyssa pulls back from Emma, she winks, and Emma can’t see anything else because Kaylee and Shelby can’t see that - that wink was just between them, for Emma, and then Alyssa is moving back completely and Emma moves forward before she can properly think about what she’s doing and there’s a noise of surprise from Alyssa as Emma joins their lips again-

Then Shelby is pushing Emma back and Kaylee is watching with a frown and Alyssa looks completely shocked.  
“What the fuck Emma?”

It’s Shelby’s voice and it’s harsh and Emma can see out of the corner of her eye that Shelby is frowning at her and her eyes are hard and Emma has no idea what just happened just that she can feel ice running through her veins and then there’s a knock on the door and Kaylee’s mom walks in.

“Hey girls does anyone want ice cream?” She seems to realise that something is going on but before anyone can say anything Emma is standing and grabbing the overnight bag that she’d packed for Kaylee’s and swinging it over her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” It’s directed to Alyssa, but also sort of towards all of them because what is wrong with her? “I- I have to go.” And without looking back Emma pushes past Kaylee’s mom and heads out into the hallway and then out, setting off towards her house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: GUYS PLEASE READ THIS ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS:
> 
> There is very explicit homophobia in this chapter, particularly relating to religion and homophobia. Implied/Referenced self-harm. Implied/Referenced child abuse. If you want to skip this chapter, skip to the end and I'll surmise it in the notes at the end.

Emma finds the solidness of her wall very comforting to lean against. 

She’s not really sure how long it took her to get home. The walk is around an hour and feels like it happened to someone else - and she definitely just told her parents she’d had a lift from Kaylee’s mom. 

Only when she’s managed to reassure her Mom and Dad that everything’s fine and she’s fine and she was just more tired than she’d realised and wanted to be up for camp early in the morning- only when she’s in her room and her bag is carefully unpacked and she’s brushed her teeth and her hair and changed into her softest pyjamas- only when her head is pressed back against the wall, she’s wearing her largest over ear headphones and has something blasting into her ears - she honestly couldn’t say what - only when Emma has found the door stop that she never uses and rams it under her door so no matter what no one can get in (and she can just say she dropped her rucksack there - like she’s done before)- only then does Emma allow herself a moment.

Tucked up against her wall.

She takes a deep breath, and grabs her phone, bracing herself for the worst. 

**Shelby** : What the fuck Emma

**Shelby** : What just happened

**Shelby** : Were you like,,, into kissing Alyssa?

**Shelby** : You know that’s gross right?

**Shelby** : You’re so fucking weird Emma. You need to talk to us.

**Kaylee** : Emma what the hell you totally snogged Alyssa?

**Kaylee** : Are you like gay or something?

**Kaylee** : You know that’s wrong right? You’re definitely not right in the head.

**Kaylee** : You need help.

**Kaylee** : You need god.

**Kaylee** : You’re going to hell if you’re gay.

**Kaylee** : I can’t believe you slept in my room and I never knew you were gay.

**Kaylee** : Wait are you like into Alyssa?

**Kaylee** : Oh my god you’re totally a lesbian.

**Kaylee** : You’re going to hell Emma.

**Alyssa** : Em? Can we talk?

There’s only the one message from Alyssa. Some part of Emma’s brain registers that it’s also much more recent. The messages from Kaylee and Shelby seem to have come in at the same sort of time and Emma feels nauseous suddenly imagining the two of them talking about her and what she’d done and god-

What had she done?

What was she even feeling?

Apart from ill.

Emma let her head fall back and she hadn’t actually realised how far forward she’d been leaning until the dull crack as her head hits the wall makes her wince slightly. That was harder than she meant it to be. Although, also, she suddenly feels like she can breathe a little easier. This pain is different. Physical. Something she can focus on. 

Emma takes a breath. Breathing.

She has to breathe.

She can do that. She can breathe.

Breathe.

Emma’s known for a while that she doesn’t really have any feelings towards boys - but she always just figured it would come. That she was a late bloomer or whatever. That she hadn’t met the guy who’d sweep her off her feet, just like Disney had promised.

She also knows that women are pretty. But like? So does everyone. She literally could not count the number of times that Shelby and Kaylee have complimented each other on how they look. But maybe they’ve never meant it. Or maybe Emma just notices things differently. She notices the curves. And how soft women look. How jaw angles are softer and less than men’s, how cheekbones are higher. How there’s a slight difference in the shape of women’s mouths and- Emma just assumed everyone noticed these things.

But maybe it was more than that. Maybe Emma wanted that. When Alyssa was kissing her she’d definitely wanted that and the pressure had felt amazing and-

Emma’s stomach does the swoopy weird clench feeling again and she finds herself squeezing her eyes shut because that feeling is overwhelming and she’s fairly certain she knows what it is and what it means but acknowledging that means acknowledging a lot of things. 

Maybe it was just Alyssa. Maybe Emma just found Alyssa attractive. And Emma knows that lots of the boys find Alyssa attractive. But Emma’s not a boy and Alyssa’s still a girl and Emma is attracted to a girl.

Emma is attracted to a girl.

A girl she kissed in front of other people.

Probably kissed way more than she should have. Emma feels a little overwhelmed, and finds herself suddenly just thinking about Alyssa. 

Alyssa flicking paint at her in class, and completely covering her by accident because she was a little too vigorous. Mrs. Greene had been more furious than Emma’s Mom and Dad. Emma remembers the part of the lecture that she’d heard, that “good girls are well behaved and never flick paint.”

Alyssa, literally dragging her out of the music rehearsal room at lunch time because, “Emma I swear to you that if I don’t see you eat at least one half of your lunch I will cut the strings on your guitar.” 

Alyssa, smiling softly at her, and not questioning anything when she’d noticed a bruise on Emma’s wrist. Instead turning up the next day with pain killers and some gel called Arnica which she’d given to Emma and told her to apply to the bruise. They’d never talked about it. Alyssa never pushed and Emma never talked, but Emma still felt that Alyssa knew. The same way Emma knew Alyssa wasn’t exactly thrilled about the million and one extra curricular activities she participated in, but she did it anyway. 

Parents. Sometimes they suck.

Emma’s brain suddenly seems to kick back into gear again because shit she did not think about her parents and if her Dad hears about this- 

Emma feels sick again.

She isn’t sure what to do. There isn’t exactly anyone she can speak to about this and she doesn’t even really know what this means. Is being attracted to girls even a thing? She’s heard the people at church talk about gay men before - but women? 

She’s thinking about it and weirdly it’s Kaylee that offers a solution - Emma flicks back through to the texts and finds it, “Oh my god you’re totally a lesbian.” Doing her best to ignore the other messages, Emma quickly types the word lesbian into her search bar and looks it up. 

The first thing she finds is just the definition, a gay woman. And then articles which are mostly titled things like “How do lesbians have sex?” and suddenly Emma is thinking about brown eyes and brown hair and brown skin and she’s feeling overwhelmed again and fairly certain that she shouldn’t be thinking like that. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut. 

Chipmunks.

Squeaking. Wild Chipmunks. Biting chipmunks. 

(Why has chipmunks become her go to distraction?)

It works. 

Emma takes a breath, holds it, exhales, holds it, inhales. The pattern repeats for a minute. Feeling calmer, she goes back to the search bar.

Am I a lesbian?

She finds herself clicking through onto an article (Am I a lesbian? How 11 women knew they were) and she finds herself reading one of the paragraphs, almost the shortest one, titled “I couldn’t stop staring at this girl”.

Alyssa is in her head again. Because Emma can conjure her face perfectly in her minds eye and that leads her to wondering just how much she has been watching her. But it’s just a friend thing right?

Emma tries to picture Shelby and Kaylee’s faces, but she can’t stop thinking about their messages, and she can’t really think of anything else.

Shit.

Emma realises then something that she feels she probably should have worked out a while ago.

She’s a lesbian.

Fuck.

She closes the internet app on her phone. Then reopens it, and deletes her search history. Like that’s going to change something for her. There’s a crease in her forehead, and Emma feels pressure in her temples, a slight headache coming on. 

She needs to sleep. 

She gathers herself for a moment, before hauling herself up, and moving towards her bed. Lying on top of the covers, she considers not plugging in her phone for a moment. Just letting it die and ignoring it. As she’s thinking about it, it lights up in her hand.

**Alyssa** : Emma are you okay?

And fuck, how is she supposed to answer that. Can she answer that? She definitely shouldn’t answer that but now she’s just picturing Alyssa worried about her. She wonders briefly if she's sat with Kaylee and Shelby still, in Kaylee’s room. She probably is.

They’re probably laughing thinking about the weirdo lesbian Emma who tried to forcibly kiss Alyssa. 

Oh god.

Suddenly a weird sort of rage fills Emma. Because this isn’t her fault. She was perfectly happy being oblivious, she didn’t want this. She didn’t ask for this. And if Alyssa hadn’t wanted to play that stupid game then none of this would have even happened.

This was all Alyssa’s fault. Emma squeezes slightly and there’s a loud crack that echoes round her room, she sighs as she realises she’s just broken her phone case. 

Emma isn’t really sure how long she’s slept, but she knows somethings wrong as soon as she wakes up.

Firstly, she’s lying on top of her covers, and her curtains are partially open, which means that she’s able to see the sunlight clearly streaming in. 

Emma knows for a fact that they have to leave for camp in the early hours of the morning when it’s still dark.

Secondly, she can see that her door has been pushed open slightly, it’s not a wide enough gap that someone could fit through it, but it’s definitely wider than it was. Plus she can tell that the door is very much wedged on the stopper.

Thirdly, she can hear loud yelling, which she realises is most likely what woke her, and ice floods through her entire body as the words start to register.

“THAT THING IS NO DAUGHTER OF MINE.” The words are followed by banging on the door, which only serves to wedge it further, and Emma feels frozen.

“You have to calm down.”

“Don’t touch me woman.”

“She’s never going to come out if you keep banging like that.”

“Emma. Open this door right now.”

Emma’s eyes widen because there’s only one thing that could possibly have caused this and if her Mom and Dad know about this then she’s fucked-

“Emma I know you must be awake in there!” There’s more banging, and then some weird sort of scuffling noises. She can’t quite make out what’s being said, but the next thing she hears is her Mom.

“Emma? I need you to open your door for me. Okay? We- I, I need to talk to you.” Emma swallows the lump she can feel in her throat, but she starts to move. 

It takes her a bit of effort, but she manages to pull the wedge out from under her door. She opens it, tears in her eyes, wedge in hand, and finds herself face to face with her Mom.

“Honey.” And her voice is gentle, and Emma wants so badly to melt into it, but she knows that this isn’t going to be good, and that she can’t do that- and,

“Kaylee’s Mom rang last night.” Emma’s breath gets stuck in her throat. She realises she’s clenching her first when the pain of digging her nails into her palm registers. She tries to consciously relax.

“Oh?”

“Don’t.” There’s a flash of something hard in her Mom’s eyes, and Emma resists the urge to gulp.

“You know why. Don’t you.” The softness is so much worse than anything her Dad would do. Emma isn’t sure where he is, guesses he’s been sent downstairs. 

“Mom- I just.”

“I don’t want to hear it Emma. We raised you. We give you food, and shelter, and warmth, we help you with laundry and homework and this- we took you to church. We taught you better than this.”

“Mom, please let me just-”

“We loved you so much Emma. And sure there were a few signs-”

“Loved?”

Her mom gives her a pitying look, and something inside of her snaps.

“LOVED?” She doesn’t mean to yell. She doesn’t. 

But suddenly she’s screaming and then her Dad is there and there’s a strong hand around her wrist and he’s dragging her out of the house and her Mom is saying something trying to get him to stop and Emma is still screaming and Emma’s bags for camp are already in the front lawn and Emma’s Dad releases her, pushing her away from him. He goes inside and shuts the door and Emma’s pounding on it, screaming still, bags scattered around.

The door doesn’t open.

Emma eventually stops screaming.

Not one neighbour takes any notice. 

Emma isn’t sure how long she’s on her front porch when she see’s a car that she recognises pull up. She isn’t really aware of anything as her cousin picks her stuff up. He drapes a coat over her shoulders and guides her to the car and Emma still can’t stop hearing the word ‘loved’ echo in her head. She thinks Greg might be trying to talk to her but nothing goes in. She’s numb. She’s underwater. She’s watching herself from a distance as she helps carry her bags into her grandma’s house.

And then her grandma is there. In front of her. And she smells like cinnamon and has what Emma assumes must be flour in her hair and she’s being hugged and she isn’t sure what breaks. But Emma’s sobbing and her grandma is placing something around what she already knows will be a nasty bruise on her wrist and is gently guiding her inside and Greg has made himself scarce.

When Emma wakes up her throat is raw and she’s still hugging her grandma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma doesn't go to camp, and instead her parents kick her out. She's picked up by her cousin Greg and taken to her Grandma's.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma isn’t sure when she moved to the bed. She doesn’t remember doing it. The last thing she fully remembers is being pressed against her grandma on the sofa, watching some ridiculously sappy romcom (she paid enough attention to recognise that the plot revolved around two women in love - she does not remember the name of the film). Emma isn’t sure whether she told her grandma or whether Betsy already knew. Maybe Grandma’s had some sort of sixth sense for these things?

Or maybe she was less subtle than she thought.

Or maybe Kaylee and Shelby and Alyssa and her parents have already spread the word far and wide.

Oh god.

Okay, breathe. 

She has a whole summer ahead of her and apparently, no plans. And no friends. And she’d tried to kiss one of her friends.

Breathing. She needs to keep breathing.

“Honey?”

The soft knocking on the door suddenly registers through her head as she hears her Grandma calling out on the other side of the door.

“Hey Grandma.”

“Can I come in?” Emma sits up slightly. She doesn’t bother trying to make herself look even remotely presentable - it’s her Grandma and she really doesn’t need to look good for Betsy. Particularly after, well, everything.

“Yeah, sure.”

The door opens and Betsy pokes her head around the door, smiling when she lays her eyes on Emma. 

“Morning my darling.”

“What time is it?” Emma glances around for a clock but can’t see one, and then she realises she can’t see her phone either.

“Shit have you seen my phone?”

“It’s plugged in downstairs, Greg found your charger in one of the bags and figured you might want it to be usable at some point.”

Flashes of yesterday appear in Emma’s head. Greg, arriving in her Grandma’s car. He started picking up the things she’d unpacked (at some point she’d started throwing her belongings at the house, and eventually they had just sort of been strewn everywhere on the lawn). Emma remembers Greg, holding her tightly whilst she cried. He didn’t try to stop her, or quiet her down. He just held her until she allowed herself to be moved. At some point she really ought to thank him. He’d managed to get her into the car, along with all her stuff. 

She also remembers him banging on the front door- and suddenly she’s on the lawn again. Watching Greg, screaming at her Dad, and her Dad screaming back.

The voices are so loud in her head and her pulse might be jumping.

“Emma?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you might want to think about chipmunks?” The words are so far from what Emma is expecting her Grandma to say that she can’t help but laugh.

“What?”

“Yesterday. When you were stressed out - you said something about chipmunks helping?” Emma can focus on Betsy properly now, the distraction enough to snap her out of the memories. She can see the crinkle in the corners of her Grandma’s eyes and she knows the older woman is trying not to laugh. Emma allows herself to smile.

“Of all the things I said yesterday - you lead with chipmunks?”

“It’s nearly midday. You, young lady, need to get up and out of bed.”

“Why?” Emma sighs, and offers a small smile. “It’s not like I have anywhere to be.”

“No, but there are some things I want to talk to you about.” Her Grandma rubs the back of her hand gently, before tapping it twice, “And I refuse to talk to my Granddaughter when her hair is a birds nest.” Emma gasps loudly.

“Rude!”

“Honey, it’s not rude if it’s true.”

“Grandma!” Betsy ducks out in time to avoid being hit by the pillow that Emma throws at her retreating form. Emma can hear her laughing in the hall. She knows her Grandma is right though.

She really does need to get up.

Looking round, Emma quickly realises that only a few of her bags are in the room with her, and her bag with her toothbrush and things isn’t one of them. She slides herself out of bed and heads out after Betsy. She hears her Grandma make some sort of comment when she takes in Emma's still unruly state - but Emma just waves her off as she searches for her bag. She locates it fairly quickly, and heads back to the bathroom - stifling a yawn. She passes Greg in the hallway - but she doesn't really have the energy to talk to him properly yet. She pauses though, gives him a nod. He nods back. As she passes, she offers a quiet,

"Thanks for picking me up."

"Anytime." Greg doesn't say anything else. Doesn't look at her any differently either - there's no pity, or disgust, or any change. Emma wonders for a moment if maybe he doesn't know - if maybe he just thinks there was some sort of major argument. But then the image of Greg yelling at her Dad swims back into her head and this time the words are clear. She can hear in her head Greg screaming that there's nothing wrong with being gay, that love is love. 

Gay feels like a big thing.

But maybe Greg doesn't think so.

All of these thoughts pass through her mind in a matter of moments as she heads into the bathroom. Switching on the shower, she let's the noise of the water hitting the tub take over her mind. She focuses on washing (and making sure she's thorough with the conditioner in her hair - her grandma hadn't been exaggerating as much as she'd initially thought about the bird nest look she had going on). She dresses quickly - not really giving much thought to what she puts together. She only catches a glimpse of it in the mirror in the bedroom - she realises there's some major colour clashes.

Emma can't bring herself to care.

She brushes her teeth, combs her hair, grabs her favourite beanie (her Mom had once referred to Emma's beanies and over ear headphones collection as the teenage equivalent of a comfort blanket - Emma isn't really sure she's wrong) and heads downstairs. 

It's only as she's on the stairs that Emma realises that's the first thought she's had about her mom that hasn't resulted in her needing to remind herself to breathe.

It's been less than 48 hours and Emma is already making progress. A good start.

Betsy knows Emma well, and when she walks in to the dining room, a coffee is being pushed into her hands. It's practically white there's so much milk in it, and Emma actually moans when she takes a sip. Her Grandma doesn't say anything. She simply gestures to a seat at the dining table. Emma takes the hint and sits, immediately presented with a stack of pancakes which she is very confused by because Betsy definitely wasn't cooking when Emma walked in and it doesn't smell like pancakes and yet.

"Thank you." Under her Grandma's watchful eye (Emma can see her watching - even if Betsy thinks she's being subtle) she eats. She's not aware just how hungry she was until she's eating, and quickly ends up finishing the food whilst her coffee is still warm.

"These are delicious."

"I can see you're enjoying them." 

"Mmm." Emma makes a noise of affirmation through her mouthful and her Grandma just shakes her head. 

As soon as she's done, she's up, placing the plate into the sink on autopilot. Without something practical to focus on, Emma finds herself just staring at her Grandma, her mug of coffee still in hand.

Her Grandma takes pity on her.

"Why don't we move to the living room?" Emma follows Betsy into the lounge, she move to her favourite chair - a big squishy thing in the corner which has sunk a lot since first bought. Emma loves how she sort of sinks into the cushion, and crosses her legs underneath her as she sits. Her Grandma moves to her usual spot on the sofa.

"I spoke to your Mom and Dad this morning." Emma doesn't say anything, just watching her Grandma instead. Betsy sighs.

"I love my daughter, but she's being a close minded bigot. An idiot. And as for my son-in-law-" her Grandma cuts herself off and pauses, looking at Emma for a moment. She frowns, before continuing. 

"He's a fucking close-minded bigoted arse."

"Grandma!"

"I'm not finished sweetheart." Emma watches with wide eyes.

"They, well, He- no. No that's not fair. They've said they don't want you to go back there. I'm sorry Emma." 

Emma doesn't want to go back. Not really. Her wrist is still sore and Emma thinks that was probably her getting off lightly - but it still hurts to hear. It hurts to think about. Her parents - the people who are meant to be in her corner no matter what - don't want her anymore. They think there's something wrong with her. Because she likes girls. 

Well one girl. Alyssa. 

Shit. Alyssa. 

Shit.

Emma never replied. Not to any of them. She thinks maybe she should but then the idea of them laughing at her in that room floods her mind again-

Still. Alyssa sent her messages at a different time. And Alyssa kissed her too. And maybe a small part of Emma, a strange, naive, hopeful part of Emma, wants the concern in Alyssa's messages to have been real.

She needs to focus though. Her Grandma is having a serious conversation with her and she needs to pay attention. Emma realises then that she still hasn't responded.

"I- I kind of figured."

"Obviously, you can stay here. If you- if you want to. If you wanted to go somewhere else - like if you could stay with a friend? With Alyssa maybe?"

That's the second time today that her Grandma almost causes her to choke on air by saying something so unexpected. But this comment isn't about making her laugh, or talk. Emma can tell. Her Grandma is being genuine in the offer and that throws Emma more than anything.

"Why would I stay with Alyssa?" Her voice is squeakier than she would have wanted but if Betsy hears it she must write it off as something other than nerves.

"Well I figured after yesterday-"

"What when I kissed her and everybody freaked out?"

"You kissed Alyssa Greene?"

"Yeah! Wait - why are you suggesting I stay with her?"

"She rang Greg."

"She did what?"

"Apparently you left some party early? And you were upset and she couldn't get hold of you and she had Greg's number from when they were dating and so she rang him-"

"Alyssa did that?"

"Honey I figured you knew."

"So she doesn't hate me?"

"I don't think so sweetheart." Betty's words are gentle, like she's afraid she'll frighten Emma if she's more direct. But Emma isn't really even listening any more. Because Alyssa was so worried about her she'd gone to the active effort of tracking down someone who might be able to help. Emma had kissed Alyssa and Alyssa didn't hate her. She knew that things were probably bad for Emma and she'd helped.

Alyssa had helped.

"Grandma I need my phone." Emma interrupts whatver Betsy is saying but she can't bring herself to really care. Her Grandma doesn't say anything - she just points Emma to the socket where her phone is and excuses herself. Without pausing - because if Emma pauses she knows she'll start overthinking and she'll talk herself out of it.

She rings Alyssa.

The phone rings on and on and Emma is convinced that there's no way that Alyssa going to answer (somewhere in her mind it also registers that Alyssa has gotten rid of her answer machine but she doesn't have time to go down that train of thought when she hears a quiet voice).

"Emma?" The word comes out as more of a breath than even a word, but for Emma Alyssa may as well have yelled it.

"Alyssa I-"

"Shelby listen I can't talk right now because I'm in the car and we're nearly at camp but once I've unpacked and said goodbye to mum I'll call you back okay?" Emma understands the hidden message in the words, but before she can respond she hears Alyssa's fake laugh.

"Oh my God, no I cannot believe Kaylee did that. And yes - I promise to ring you later. Enjoy camp Shelbs." And with that, Alyssa hangs up the phone. Emma stares at it - she feels sick but also happy and also stressed and she didn't know it was possible to feel so many things at once. It hurt her head.

Without overthinking, Emma switched the wifi off on her phone, and switched the sound on. That should mean she'll only get a notification if someone texts or rings her. As if sensing the thought, her phone vibrates loudly and makes a pinging noise. The screen lights up with a notification indicating Emma has texted her. Emma immediately knocks her phone to the floor in her haste to pick it up.

 **Alyssa** : Sorry Emma, my mums right next to me in the car and she uh-

 **Alyssa** : she's not thrilled about what we did.

 **Emma** : My Grandma told me you rang Greg

 **Alyssa** : Oh, yeah. Well I wanted to know if you were okay.

 **Emma** : I'm not great

 **Alyssa** : Right. Sorry.

 **Emma** : its not your fault

 **Alyssa** : It sort of is

Emma isn't sure how to respond to that. It's the last thing she'd been expecting to read, after all Emma was the one who had learnt back in. Maybe Alyssa just felt guilty. God all Emma wanted was for her to be able to ring now.

 **Emma** : Thanks for ringing Greg. He really helped.

 **Alyssa** : I'm glad. How did your parents take it?

Shit. So Greg and her Grandma hadn't told Alyssa what they'd found. Should Emma be blunt? Then again Alyssa clearly already felt guilty and Emma didn't want to make that any worse. 

**Emma** : Not great. 

**Emma** : I could tell you on the phone?

 **Alyssa** : Emma I'm sorry but I can't ring you right now

 **Alyssa** : My mum doesn't want me to talk to you

 **Alyssa** : I'm sorry

 **Alyssa** : I tried to explain it was my fault

 **Alyssa** : She wasn't listening

 **Alyssa** : None of them listened

 **Alyssa** : Emma?

 **Alyssa** : Emma are you still there?

God what was Emma thinking. A small part of her had been hoping that Alyssa wanted to speak to her because maybe - just maybe - that kiss had affected her just as much as it had affected Emma. But that was ridiculous because Alyssa was Alyssa and Emma was-

Well Emma was an outed Lesbian who had been kicked out.

Alyssa probably just wanted to explain that they can't talk anymore. But was feeling guilty enough that she felt she owed Emma a phone call.

That was going to be a horrendous phone call.

For a few moments Emma considers muting her phone - but not knowing will be so much worse than knowing. And so, settling herself in for a long wait, Emma unplug her now charged phone and sinks back into her favourite seat, TV remote in hand. 

She ends up putting Netflix on. Immediately she finds a programme called One Day at a Time being recommended. From the first moments it's on Emma can tell it pushes a lot of boundaries - especially for Edgewater, Indiana. But Emma finds herself entranced - and when Elena comes out - Emma's heart physically hurts for a few moments in her chest. Another season later, for the first time, Emma allows herself to feel hopeful about her future.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! this is my first thing for The Prom fandom so please accept my thanks for your presence and if you maybe feel like it maybe you could sustain me with a comment maybe? thanks


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